Art by Scott Beale / Laughing Squid
Since starting this blog last year, I’ve written about my job twice. There’s a reason for that, and it’s probably not what you think.
I’m not holding back here because I feel like I should save my material for paid work. Well, that’s not the biggest reason…
Earth Day was last week and I didn’t do a damn thing on here for it. I owe you an explanation. The chief reason I haven’t posted on energy topics is because my profession consumes me everywhere but here.
I had hoped this blogging experiment could remind me of who I am beyond this belle who manages big budget energy projects. I don’t want to be one-dimensional, so I write about everything but my job. Probably not the most predictable direction for my Renewabelle handle, but I had no idea things would turn out this way when I started my company three years ago…
This is the real face of green.
I work from home. Many people think that means I lead a relaxing and flexible life of sustainable luxury. Many people would be wrong.
The truth is that I work more than most people I know. Even on the playground with my kid, I’m thinking about work. I don’t concern myself with a work-life balance because everything requires such fluidity that I hardly have a moment to plan rigid time blocking.
Over the last six years, I’ve watched the Illinois market for energy efficient technologies and sustainable building practices transform before my eyes. The program we run is better than a typical rebate program because we help business owners and public entities make educated investment decisions. In a rebate scenario, they do one thing. In a design assistance program, our experience has shown clients implement a lot more than one simple measure.
When our program began, we were begging businesses to let us audit their facilities for free. The general opinion was that energy-related investments were reserved for treehuggers or spendthrifts. Today, we can hardly keep up with the incoming flow of applications for assistance.
Things are very different now than they were a few years ago. For example, people now understand that increases in energy efficiency have many benefits, both economic and intrinsic. Sweetening the deal, incentives and grants are available to offset the increased costs associated with efficient technologies.
The only problem is that the bottom fell out from under the country right around the same time legislation was passed to require significant results from related programs. Everyone wants to do it, but either they don’t have the money, the time or they’re too scared to spend anything right now.
It’s an uphill battle, but the team I work with is amazing and we work our backsides off to keep our program successful. With this work comes a lot of stress, which affects pretty much everything I do since, like I said before, my work consumes me.
This is the real face of Jess.
Sometimes all I can muster is a tweet. After reviewing a report or having a long, detailed call that requires 110% of my attention, I don’t have much left in me for commentary.
I have to fight the urge to isolate. After leaving Florida, I was socially sequestered on and off for nearly four years. I don’t want to go back. Tweets are progress. Or maybe regress… Either way, I digress…
I’m well aware that hundreds of bloggers write about swapping a light bulb or inspecting a building envelope (walls, windows, roof, etc) and I don’t feel I need to add to that. I want to bring something different to the table, but everything I want to tell you either involves something I’m contractually not allowed to discuss or something I’ve made myself believe is banal.
People ask me from time to time what I sell, and the only simple answer I can provide is “sound solutions.” I’ve thought a lot about it and think that’s why I keep writing all these bizarre life lessons. I want to help you (whoever “you” are), so I’m throwing everything at you in my arsenal while reserving my area of professional expertise for my day job. The problem is that you’re probably here for something I’m not giving you.
A normal businesswoman would look at this and say, “Jessica, I believe you may be onto something.” Unfortunately, this particular businesswoman has become a commitment-phobe and likes to come up with awesome ideas that she convinces herself aren’t worth the sacrifice of time necessary for success.
That said, I’m not going to promise you I’m going to write a report or book or some other saleable item that I hope will justify my efforts on here anymore. The next time you hear me talk about that type of thing, it’ll be because it’s done and I’m ready to take your money.
I built this blog because I thought it was the next right step in my journey. I don’t know what I’m going to be doing next year, but I do know that today I have this thing that I’m supposed to write for and find myself failing. I will do my best to change that.
All I have to do now is figure out how to use my own voice again and all will be well. Right?
Right!
And don't worry; you're not alone. At least some small part of writing ditties for kids is avoiding the hard work of writing something thought-provoking for grown-ups.
Did of Pressfield's War of Art ever come in? It's all about finding your voice. Actually about putting it into a full-nelson and giving it a wedgie until it cries Uncle.
It's especially awesome when people you admire remind you that you're not alone…Thank you, Phil.
Pressfield's War of Art is sitting on my kitchen counter, waiting for my attention. Guess I should get on that, huh?
To full nelsons and beyond!
Ah, losing your voice…know it well, having something to say or do that you can't find a way to say or do, or don't have time to say or do. I've decided it's part of the ebb and flow of life. If the mission remains, inevitably voice comes back.
I like that… “If the mission remains, inevitably voice comes back.”
Thanks