Once upon a time, I had a dream to build a particular type of business and it totally blew up in my face. I have a mentor to thank for that. And yes, I really mean it. I thank him all the time…

Whenever people find out I worked at a comedy club, they immediately request a joke or otherwise expect me to be funny. All I can say is that looks aren’t everything.

For the second entry in my now-dubbed Existential Resume expedition, I’m going to bring you to the job I landed immediately following the ever-scary Terror on Church Street: SAK Comedy Lab.

*I’d like to note for any would-be critics that the movie “Monsters, Inc.” wasn’t out when I decided to trade in screams for laughter. Any further similarities are purely coincidental, and if they’re not, I’m owed some serious dough.

Yes. It’s true. I was paid to perform as Leatherface at a year-round Orlando attraction called Terror on Church Street.

I should note that I only performed this once, but I was the first female to take the roll and, after that night, I was the last for a long time…

I write this post with a heavy heart. There is so much sadness in the world right now with tragedies multiplying by the day. Of course, my topic has nothing to do with those catastrophes. Mine has to do with sex.

For months now, I’ve been working on a covert project that consumed countless hours of my “spare” time. Although I’m quite successful in my current career, I had hoped to augment my income through a new product that would help people enrich their sex lives.

After an exhaustive amount of research and market testing, I knew this was poised to be a huge success. However, instead of approaching this with excitement, I found myself merely going through the motions of building this product, continually plagued with internal resistance.

Like many entrepreneurs would, I passed it off as fear…

I work. I work a lot. Like, more than most people. That’s why you shouldn’t worry if I haven’t posted on here, especially if it’s a holiday. In addition to being a mommy, a wife, a program manager, a marketing ghostwriter, and an entrepreneur who is trying to get a new business off the ground, I like to have some downtime. It should be noted, though, that even in my downtime, I’m thinking about work. That’s how this lovely song came to be…

This was the content included in my energy program’s holiday email. Of course, it was written by no other than yours truly.

I’m guessing you’ll be able to sing along if you’d like…

Being new to this whole blogging thing, I’ve thought a lot about what I should share and what I should keep to myself. Since my coach, Johnny B. Truant, is of no help regarding what content I release and which topics I hold back, I’m just going to throw my biggest truths at you and see what happens.

Truth #1: The holidays have been a struggle for me for the last nine years.

Last night, the little man and I were talking about jobs. When he asked what he could be when he grew up, I said he could be anything he wanted. He responded that he would like to be a large dinosaur.

I’m sure my parental duty at the time was to explain that humans don’t become dinosaurs, but instead I encouraged him to aim high and left it at that.

In college I worked as a bartender in the most hipster of all Orlando pseudo-dives. As part of the opening staff, I was around to see the beautiful trailer the owner bought, all eight or so inches from the side, mounted to our wall. It still had the windows and door intact, bearing only a few select bumper stickers to represent the camp in a way only bumper stickers can. I remember the fresh wood-paneled bathroom walls, carefully branded with various images of Elvis throughout his career. We had holiday lights strung across the room and back again, gently illuminating the 800 layers of lacquer drenched on top of doors repurposed as tables that ran along the stretch of the fairly narrow room.

This was my home for three years.

Before I write anything else on this blog, please allow me to warn you that I’m not a guru. In fact, I get a lot of my material from the people I work with, the people I help and the countless others I come in contact with on a daily basis. Quite frankly, I prize myself a fantastic listener with a darker sense of humor who really does like it when you’re doing the talking.

I think this is the main reason I haven’t committed myself to any blog I’ve ever started.